Author Archives: A.L. Katherine

About A.L. Katherine

I'm just a girl who likes to write. The late diagnosed ADHD and Autism has left me with crippling self-doubt, a niche sense of humour, and the inability to be consistent. Come along as I ask the question, Have my characters just been autistic this whole time?! Find out with me!

Reviving Old Hobbies

Posted on January 27, 2024 by A.L. Katherine

After not only surviving but also winning NaNoWriMo 2023, I kept up my writing momentum throughout most of December. Something I’d call impressive considering I worked extra hours, caught a nasty cold, and travelled during the busy holiday season to spend time with family. After Christmas the momentum of my writing died down a bit, and I ended up reviving an old hobby–visual storytelling. Well, sort of. Way back in the grand old days of Adobe Premier 6 (I realize that’s dating myself a bit) I used to love video editing and making fan music videos. You know, where you take anime or video game footage and put it to music?

Well, I’ve had this Mac for over a year, and I guess it just took 1) the realization that I had iMovie (and it didn’t suck as free software anymore) and 2) A show with the right song that I was simultaneously obsessed with. And then all those video ideas I’d had over the last while where I’d hear a song and think, “Wow, that would go so well with [this] show” all kind of clicked into place, and I found myself making fan music videos again, and reviving my really old YouTube channel in the process.

In the world of AuDHD level hyper focuses, and hobby hopping to keep it all interesting, I’ve found myself taking a full break from writing. Which I feel has been good in a way. It’s allowed me to percolate on ideas I’d been stuck on, and let that writing itch come back. You know the one that tickles your senses when you’re busy doing something else? “I should write a bit later.” So, as I’ve slowly been coming out of my video editing fever haze, I’ve been thinking more about writing again. About that story without an ending on Wattpad, and ultimately about book 3 (and the editor I haven’t heard back from in 10 months).

Anyways, for the sake of keeping me from rambling, I’ll end this post here. But 2024 is looking bright from this seat, because the freedom and ability to be creative brings me joy. I hope you have also been able to start 2024 with joy, despite hardships that might arise.

~Kat

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When plans unfurl and then you’re a pantser

Posted on November 23, 2023 by A.L. Katherine

I’m about 40,000 words into NaNoWriMo now, and the project I thought I’d be working on didn’t pan out. I started it. Book 3. I wrote the first 6 chapters, and then I wrote a few random future chapters, and bits and pieces of a scene, and I was like, “This do be some heavy shit.” And then I froze. My emotional capacity for what I could handle tipped to overload, and I lost under the mounting pressure of 1,667 words a day.

So, I switched. I realized book 3 is going to take a while to write. It’s not something that will easily write itself at this point, and even the parts that do write themselves, well… I need to take breaks. I need to practice self care. I need to monitor my emotional well-being. See, the thing about being autistic, and an empath is I feel a lot. Like, a lot-a lot. And there are scenes in book 2, whole chapters even, that I cry in every single time. I’ve read them through so many times, and I still cry. And there are some parts of book 3 that have felt even more emotionally taxing to me.

And I love that about myself. It means I can really fuel that emotion onto the page, and hopefully create an emotionally compelling story that my readers can fully engage in. But it also means that I feel every.single.emotion I write. The really happy ones, and the really thrilling ones, and the ones that crush your soul. So all my lovely outline and plans from October sort of got thrown out the window. And I went from planner to pantser within one week.

The story I switched to is one that has been really dear to my heart. My husband calls it my “feel good” story, because even though it deals with really heavy topics, the kind that require trigger warnings, my two main characters are so adorably cute together that they create this really beautiful, cutesy, fluffy romance on the page. And so, even when my characters are struggling through their trauma, the healing that blooms between them is enough to make you all warm and fuzzy inside.

I don’t know if it’s a story that would ever get published. It’s lit fic, and I don’t write lit fic. I rarely read lit fic. And I definitely have no experience in the genre of romance. So, it’s very unknown territory to me. The pacing feels slow, and some scenes I write so delicately due to the subject matter, I feel like it’s great realistic writing, but maybe not the best fiction. So I’ve just been posting the parts on my wattpad. And while the releases have been sporadic as of late, I am posting things as I’ve been able to. (I’m an endless editor, so the chapters take forever to feel truly complete to me).

I’m not sure if I’ll finish the story in the next 10,000 words, but I do hope I can give this story a fitting end. A very happy end. Because people deserve to heal from their trauma. They deserve all the love and support in the world. And in real life that isn’t always there. But in fiction at least, I can write all of the could haves, would haves, and what might have beens. I can write all the happy endings to help make the real world a little easier to cope with (or, fuel your escapism.).

~Kat

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NaNoWriMo??

Posted on October 19, 2023 by A.L. Katherine

The only consistent thing in my life as an AuDHD-er is how inconsistent I am… And the irony isn’t lost on me. I’ve thought about writing a blog post for a while now, but every time I sat down I couldn’t think of anything to write… so I didn’t. There hasn’t really been much going on (I say that, but tons is going on). I’m still on pause waiting to hear back from my editor about the first book in my trilogy. All five of my WIP’s are still WIP’s. And I’m struggling with, what I believe is, the last scene (or two) of the novella I’ve been posting to Wattpad (11 parts posted thus far, though, so go me!).

Book 2 is on pause for at least 3-4 months, which seems to be the unwritten consensus on how long to wait before looking at a draft again with “fresh eyes.” So the only thing left to do is move on, I guess? I’ve been tossing around the idea of joining NaNoWriMo this year for a while (Since Spring, when I finally wrote the last scenes of book 2). I haven’t participated since 2018, and haven’t won since 2015. So I figured, what the heck, why not use NaNo as an excuse to get me started on book 3, the final book in my trilogy, and literally 10 years in the making, haha.

Since I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, I’ve had a lot of time to prepare, both mentally and writerly. I haven’t decided if I want to try and win, although it always feels like a nice accomplishment. What I’m really hoping is that it will motivate me to consistently write for the entire month, even if it’s just 100 words a day. I did that in 2018, and managed to write 33,000 words that month. Impressive to me at the time, considering I was in the middle of my creative burnout.

I’ve officially signed up, and I have a rough timeline of events. I just need to figure out the first scene to write, and whose POV it’ll be from. I’ve got a little under 2 weeks to figure it out. And at the very least, if there’s one thing NaNoWriMo is good at, it’s giving myself permission to write poorly. And what I mean by that is, not get caught up in having the first rendition be a more polished rendition. Instead of freezing at how to perfectly phrase everything from the get go, and never getting the scene out, I can categorically choose to just write poorly for the word count, and then at least my scene is on the page. And once a scene is on the page, it can be edited.

To quote Shannon Hale, “I’m writing a first draft and reminding myself that I’m simply shoveling sand into a box so that later I can build castles.”

~ Kat

P.S. If you are also doing NaNoWriMo and want to add me, my handle is Amara262.

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Mother Nature, and Creative Breaks

Posted on August 19, 2023 by A.L. Katherine

I haven’t written much since summer started. I’ve been working, and relaxing, visiting friends, and family, and generally trying to find joy. The most important lesson I’ve learned recently, is that there is healing in joy. “Productive” is a relative term. I don’t have to be working to be productive. In fact, I feel that I’ve been very productive this summer, but not in many ways I can show externally. There is something incredibly special about rekindling your inner passions, and I think I’ve spent most of the summer trying to heal the parts of myself I’d been neglecting.

I have been writing on and off. I’ve even started (and finished) some sewing projects. There isn’t really a time limit on life, so whether I finish something right now, or give myself permission to take my time on something, what really matters is how I feel at the end of it. I’ve been camping, and fishing. I picked 6lbs of blueberries with my family, and I’ve driven in the middle of the night to go star gazing. By letting myself experience life, and giving myself permission to rest when I’m tired, I think I’ve been more productive, honestly.

I’ll leave you with this photo I captured of my father and my daughter fishing on the lake. Mother nature is so beautiful, and I know I’m privileged to share it with such special people.

~ Ali Kat

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Managing Creative Overwhelm (or not)

Posted on July 29, 2023 by A.L. Katherine

Here’s the thing about coming out of an extended creative burnout: It’s so easy to get overwhelmed by the possibilities. Let me explain. Over the next little while I’d like to re-vamp this blog which will involve researching similar blogs, engaging in the community, re-organizing my layout, and overall planning an actual direction for this blog. On top of that, I have 3 active WIPs, one of which I’ve started posting, one serial book series I’m working on with an editor, one solo book I’m working on, a multi-book series I started with a friend in desperate need of polishing (and finishing), and just single page outlines of stories I would love to write in the future.

(NaNoWriMo, is that you I see looming in the near future?)

“Wow that’s a lot,” you might say. And it is. A lot. And I haven’t been able to work on any of it for the last 5-7 years. Yes, YEARS. Most of my projects were completely abandoned near the end of 2016, and I have not picked most of them up again until this year. And for all those years I desperately wanted to write. I would yearn to sit at my computer and take the stories in my head, and put them on a page. But I couldn’t. I even opened things, and read them over, and I’d get to the end of what I’d written, and there was nothing there. My brain was empty. An all-consuming void.

It’s really a weird feeling to want to do something so desperately, and have your body be unable to execute that desire. Part of this, I have learned, is the executive function issues that come along with ADHD and Autism. But the other part of it was feeling so emotionally and mentally drained that not even an ounce of energy was left for anything else. And now that I’m finally coming out of that, I’m struggling to find a routine. And there exists an oxymoron between the ADHD, perpetually impulsive on the fly side of me, and the autistic, thriving on structure, routine, and hyper organization side of me.

Because I want to commit to a single story. I want to edit it, and perfect it until it’s polished… But I also want to start that new story… and that other new one… and that story that I just dreamed about last night….. Oh, but now I wanna go back to that original story, because those other ones aren’t grabbing my interest as much anymore… And how do you really engage readers with your content, when your ADHD brain really only wants to work on whatever’s most interesting at that time.

And so this is where I find myself, trying to manage creative overwhelm. The absolute, complete opposite of what I had been struggling with. Because there was nothing, and now it’s all here, bombarding me, all at once.

Send help.

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The Thing About Active WIPs

Posted on July 26, 2023 by A.L. Katherine

I made a new folder on my Google Drive called “Active Writing” in an effort to try and help me organize the countless folders I have filled with stories from all aspects of my life, whether it be school writing projects, or collabs, my main book project, and even story concepts. It was all over the place, and I was always having to go back and forth, and then scroll through to find whatever I was currently working on. But no more!

And the crazy thing is, I actually only have three Active WIPs. Like, projects I am currently going in between. THREE. That’s it. I’m not sure why I thought it was going to be SO MANY. But it’s really highlighted to me the power of taking the time to organize my writing. Because previously, I felt a little overwhelmed, and now I’m like, pfft three is nothing! Because I’ve definitely had way more going at once.

And this, obviously, doesn’t factor in my book series, nor does it factor in story concepts that I would like to sit down and write eventually, but it’s a starting point. And since I’m wanting to post my WIPs, and my short stories, and maybe even some of my school writing, it’s got me kind of excited for the future of writing. It’s motivated me to sit down and actually give these stories titles. I’ve written down future scene ideas, and plotted out where I want some of these stories to go, and even how I’d like some to end.

I guess the next course of action would be to separate Active Edits, and Story Concepts. Wish me luck!

~Kat

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I Posted a WIP!

I started posting a WIP. I have several scenes written, and a few more planned. It started as a short story, and turned into a Novella. Not sure what the final length will be.

Since I have the ability to cue posts on Wattpad, I have set a schedule for every Friday at 12pm PST. Here is the link if you’d like to follow me there.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/347317663-almost-dawn

If you prefer, I will also be posting on AO3. Those won’t necessarily be on a set schedule, but I will try my best to keep it updated as things are released on Wattpad. You can follow me there by clicking on the title of the story below.

Almost Dawn (1165 words) by Amara262
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: Unspecified Fandom
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Characters: Anna Quinn, Ezekiel Cole
Additional Tags: Original Fiction, Fiction, Trauma, Healing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – PTSD, Agoraphobia, Eventual Romance, Friendship, Chick lit, LIT FIC
Summary:
At the age of nineteen Anna decries the world after her brother, Charlie, is murdered trying to protect her. With the permission of her parents, she moves into Charlie’s house. While her parents hope this will help her heal, Anna instead locks the door, and doesn’t leave. Two years go by without incident until one day her mother forces her to attend a group for trauma survivors. This is where Anna meets Ezekiel. Ezekiel is nothing like Anna. His scars are right there, on his face, for everyone to see. A topic of conversation, or quiet whispers. But over time Anna begins to think her scars might not be so different, even if they can’t be seen. Will Anna finally be able to heal the wounds that have controlled her life for so long?

While my lit fic tends to deal with topics that may be triggering to some readers, I do try to keep things tame, and do not get into any sort of graphic detail or descriptions. I always try to err on the side of caution, so even if something is mentioned as a small detail, I will still trigger that with a content warning, as I don’t want anyone to be caught off guard.

Anyone who decides to check it out, I hope you like it, and really appreciate any feedback, so I can continue to grow and improve.

Much Love,

~ Ali Kat

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Getting Over Paralyzing Writer’s Block

Posted on July 19, 2023 by A.L. Katherine

I didn’t realize it’s been eight years since I posted here. A funny thing happened that younger me thought I was impervious to… Writer’s block, and creative burnout. Let’s go back. Waaaaaay back to the year 2016 when I was knee deep in edits, in discussion with an editor, and broke af. Being broke was as easy as getting a job, unfortunately the job created a lot of additional stress. Combine that with the pressure that comes with having an actual editor look at your work, well… I crumbled. I fell hard, and it took me about six years, a lot of therapy, and a new ADHD/Autism diagnosis to help sort me out.

Now I would consider myself to be on a path of healing. Not just my body (re-centering the central nervous system anyone?), not just emotionally (hey there past trauma), but also creatively. It started by reaching out to my editor who last left me with a looooong list of suggestions, edits, and assignments. Then I opened a story… and another story… and another story. And I put fingers to keyboard, and I wrote some stuff, and edited some stuff. Added and deleted scenes. I found something I had missed so terribly for all that time, and realized it hadn’t gone away, but was simply waiting for me to be ready again.

I guess that’s the crazy thing about growing up. The journey never ends despite reaching my mid-thirties. I imagine as I enter my 40’s and 50’s the discoveries about myself will continue. But I guess that’s the learning curve of living. I’m not sure how much I’ll be posting here, or how often. The ADHD makes consistency an issue. But I am hoping to get back into the writing scene. I’d like to engage with people on here again, and I’d also like to post stories again. Apparently I’ve had an account on AO3 since 2021, and I’ve not logged in or used it since I created it. And let’s not start on my dust covered, and very neglected Wattpad page.

Slowly, and at my own pace. I’ll start again.

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Someone

Posted on May 14, 2015 by A.L. Katherine

I wanted to be perfect
before I understood.
I wanted to be
everywhere
at once
so I could fill the empty
of whoever needed it most.
As I grew older,
noticed my patterns and reactions,
I wondered
if my subconscious
was making up
for Someone’s short comings.

I lived two lives.
Like, somehow, if I could do twice
as much work, twice
as hard; achieve twice
as many things,
I could successfully replace
the hole
Someone
left inside of everyone.
Even though I knew
I’d never be enough,
I still tried.

Because when
Someone
is so lost to you
you lay awake at night,
listen to every sad song,
wonder if you’ll ever see
Someone
again or if this is it,
how can you not try?
When you love
Someone
so much their absence
leaves an ache
and all the wrongs
still equal a right.
When you’ve cried all your tears
and you couldn’t possibly go on;
exhaustion pulls at every muscle;
you haven’t slept in days.
When is enough, enough?

Never?
Would death be better?
Your heart breaks
once.
Permanently.
The emptiness merges with your soul.
You learn to live with the hole.
Because when
Someone
is alive you
hope.
The life giver.
Hope,
the life killer.
Hope will break your heart
every time, because
Someone
is lost
and
maybe there is no hope.
Hope says,
There’s still life in
Someone’s
Bones. There’s still
hope
Someone
won’t die. There’s still
hope
Someone
will get better. There’s still
hope
Someone
will come home.
Hope says,
Things can change.

When they don’t,
you break a little more,
and a little more,
and a little more,
until you’re clinging
to the last sliver.
Until you’ve given
everything you have.
Until you’re left thinking,
‘I’m not good enough.’
All you wanted
was to be good enough.
How could you not be enough?
After everything you’ve done,
How can
Someone
still not see?
How can they still not see
me?

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Summer Projects

Posted on April 28, 2015 by A.L. Katherine

So, maybe it’s not quite summer yet, but with school over and work season already started, it feels like summer to me. Also, the warm weather and sunshine helps confuse the fact that it’s actually still spring. I have received 1 of my final grades, for my stageplay/screenplay class, and that is an A- (81%) overall. Yay! It makes me happy because those are the two areas I want to continue in 3rd and 4th year (I’m leaning towards stage tbh. I really, really loved it). There’s really nothing better than being successful at the things you’re passionate about, you know? I feel like maybe that bachelor of arts is attainable to someone like me, and it makes me want to try that much harder to reach that goal.

My main goal this summer, as much as I’d love to tackle my book, is to try and finish the one short story I –[actually gave a shit about]– wrote for school this semester. I feel like finishing a book during summer is maybe attainable if I wasn’t really busy with work, and travel, and weddings, and house projects, and… and… and… the list goes on. Maybe if I could disappear for 2-3 months I could finally finish the damn thing, but there’s just WAY too much to do. In light of that, I’m aiming for something much smaller. I know small and me don’t do well together. Usually everything winds up being “so much bigger than I anticipated.” *cough* 1 book into 3 books *cough* But I’ve got 3000-5000 words of space to work with right now (the story is currently 7,000 words). I knew when I started this story that it felt like a 10,000 word story, and I cut a lot out for school because I didn’t want to be THAT person. But the story means a lot to me, and I really want to finish it!

I’m so excited about this story. It deals with body image (something I’ve personally dealt with), and so the topic, I guess, means a lot to me. Learning to accept oneself, and defining yourself by more than your weight, or the clothes you wear, and learning not to compare yourself to others. Anyways, I don’t want to actually spoil anything. I’ve started working on it this weekend–the main, bigger scene I wanted to put in the story that I left out because I didn’t want to hand in such a huge story. (It’s a really great scene, guys; I love it so much). So, wish me luck!

Goal: To successfully finish my first short story.

I can do it!

Cheers,

~Kat

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